*i.e. places I’ve been to, according to me.
Vainest: South Korea
Runner-up: Everyone else
If I had to sum up the Korean character in one word, it would be vain. They’re so vain, they probably think that “song” is about them- “Song? Hey! That’s my name, too! Whenever I got out, the people always shout…” The ubiquitous Korean smart phone was used about a third of the time for social media, a third of the time for playing games, and the rest of the time as a pocket mirror for fixing hair and make-up. This was done in subways and restaurants and cafes and pretty much every other public place you could think of. Occasionally, the phones were used for talking in loud, exaggerated, whiny voices. South Korea is also the only place I’ve seen mirrors posted in a public place (a subway corridor, for example) and seen people regularly stop in front of it and check their hair as onlookers walked past. Whatever the activity, the hair and outfit had to be just right. Even in freezing weather, people would not wear hats because that would ruin their hairdo, and I only noticed a few people who would wear gloves. Even then, the gloves had to be thin and fashionable. When hiking, a popular weekend pastime, the hikers had to have matching brand name clothes in bright colors of orange and purple over black. Make-up and hairspray were still expected. This coordinated outfit policy applied to every activity and every outing. I could go on, but a picture of vanity is worth a thousand words.
A holiday in Korea is a time to stand in front of scenery with a selfie stick. These people are lined up to take their photo in front of the angel wings mural. I think I saw more angel wings profile pictures in Korea than I saw people named Kim.
These compulsory hiking outfits are actually on the tame side. They could be spotted everywhere throughout the city, usually on the subway, not just on the mountain trails.
The Korean need to be seen has its charms. Where else could I meet a man with such a flashy blue suit?
A “Where’s Waldo?” scene of people taking pictures, cameras, and matching couples’ outfits.
Everyone and everywhere else is vain, too (“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity,” says the preacher), but South Korea has made vanity a conspicuous, obvious obsession.
Prettiest Women: ?
Men love to discuss this question, and when I discussed it with my friend, James, we settled on the 2015 Miss Universe champion and runner-up, or vice versa, he saying Colombia and I saying the Philippines. I knew it was an uneasy guess when I made it, having based it on exposure to only a few Filipino beauties in person and on TV, and the consensus opinion of some fellow travelers on the best-looking women in Asia. I suppose I tested out my theory through living in China and South Korea and traveling through Japan, the Philippines, and throughout the US, but it seems like I’ve never been able to pin down a satisfying, conclusive answer to this question. In the Philippines, it seemed like most women were the size of middle school students, and their anthem was Confederate Railroad’s “Trashy Women.” Yeah, an’ I like my women just a little on the trashy side/ When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed. No, they weren’t wearing Dolly Parton wigs (those belong to the Philippine drag queens), but neither were they near as gorgeous as the fabled women from TV.
In Korea, the women were circumspect about looking fashionable, as mentioned above, and they had shapely, healthy physiques, yet it seemed that their general good looks were shared by all and few stood out from the pack. This is not at all a bad handicap, but the rub is that there are few stunning stand-outs, and the exemplars look less exemplary in comparison.
In China, the women also looked alarmingly undernourished to me, and they mostly dressed in a simple, childish way, and while China no doubt has some stunning beauties and a high standard for the average woman, I still just could not say definitively that Chinese women, or any group of women, were THE best looking. I think it’s an insoluble question that will constantly tempt and try men’s minds if they’re not careful.
Homeliest Women: USA
I’m sorry, I know that the US has all kinds of women from all over the world, and it attracts the best and brightest and most beautiful, but of all the people I’ve been exposed to, America has shown me the most out-of-control obese and slovenly women, and the women with the laziest, most careless clothing choices, and the women with the loudest mouths and ugliest attitudes. In the other countries I’ve been to, my beauty advice would be to drop the beauty products and pick up some beef and barbells; in my home country I’d say to drop the beer and beef patties and take up yoga.
From peopleofwalmart.com. Made in the USA.
Ugliest Cities: South Korea
Runner-up: China
Modern Korean architecture is the ugliest I’ve seen, which is quite a mark considering how much I hate the indistinguishable assembly line architecture of all the shoe-box lookalike, atrociously angled modern buildings in my own country. Korean infrastructure, from streets to skyscrapers, has been put up slapdash wherever it will fit in between the mountains and the existing city sprawl. The multi-story buildings are mostly of one template, with aggressive neon signage scrawled across every exterior, with each floor of a building advertising itself in a stack of monotonous eyesores. Where the buildings are meant to be on display, like a church building, the sight is offensively ugly, a cheap imitation of a style copied from overseas. I’m not the only person to have noticed the garish, shantytown structures.
The church building I frequented most often was supposed to be inspired by Noah’s ark, but just looking at this “ship” I could tell it wouldn’t float.
“Just put that next house anywhere.” Re Korean vanity, they nicknamed this area Korea’s Santorini. My thought was that it twinned Rio de Janeiro’s favelas.
Good luck ever finding the place you’re looking for in Korea’s urban jungle.
China comes in at second place for building cityscapes only a communist could love. Absurdly large avenues and towers in abandoned planned cities, government buildings of hasty construction and childish sophistication, garish street lamps and accents, and obtusely abstract, gray, decaying modern compositions all around. Plus, China’s vaunted antiquities were very dingy and dusty looking, in my observation. There are way too many ancient buildings for China to restore and keep up them all, but I suppose they could attempt it as a jobs-creation program for their billion-plus population.
Shanghai’s Oriental Pearl tower, which is about to the Chinese as the Eiffel Tower is to the French. This might be the ugliest landmark I’ve ever seen in person.
A clothing market next to a bus station in Beijing. Who thought this looked good enough to build?
Most every panorama in China is seen through a veil of pollution.
Prettiest Cities: Japan
Runner-up: USA
This one’s a close contest, but I’ll give Japan the edge because of how uniformly clean and neat in appearance all the cities and towns were. They’re maintained to picture-perfect precision, like the backdrop of a movie shoot.
Old district in Kyoto. It’s hard to even find chewing gum stains on the pavement.
I love the stately styles of American homes from centuries past. Walking through a traditional American downtown, surrounded by a neighborhood of ornately styled homes and mansions, is a refreshing dose of beauty.
From scenic Galena, Illinois. Too bad all the cars are obstructing the view.
A mansion in Galena.
An elegant old house in my neighborhood.
More categories to come.
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